Sunday 24th June 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 1 - Beaumaris 8?
The lads from Central Park saw and felt this:
The ref though, saw this:
And thus begins a tale of farcical circumstances that had the Malvernians seeing more yellow than a Big Bird orgy, and like such a dalliance, boy did feathers fly.
Handball, (also known as team handball, Olympic handball, European handball, or Borden ball) is a team sport in which two teams of seven players each (six outfield players and a goalkeeper) pass a ball to throw it into the goal of the other team. A standard match consists of two periods of 30 minutes, and the team with the most goals scored wins.
More commonly, it's a game played in school yards across the land, usually with a scungy tennis ball. In fact i'd bet you a lick of Clearasil that the kids from Beaumaris High are dancing the bitumen do a game of 'handy' as i sit here in my grown ups job whilst they indulge in 'play lunch'.
Who gives a shit right?
Well, on Sunday's display one would be forgiven for thinking that our 'PR savvy' officiator was also a master multi-tasker and not just a football referree but a handball one too. The man is clearly working too hard, and seemingly got his 'crafts' mixed up and produced what was the most efficient refereeing performance you'd ever see - if we were playing handball. He was also sporting the latest in referreeing attire:
Central Park started well enough and were able to offset the youthful Beaumaris speed with efficient passing and movement off the ball. In what was quickly becoming a tight and entertaining match, the man in black seemed hellbent on stopping the play for the most minor of infringements against the CP boys. Adding to their frustration was a litany of handballs (see handball paragraph) that went uncalled. Irony would have it, that when he FINALLY did blow his whistle for a handling infringement, it was against Central Park! If frustration was creeping in, then sarcasm was oozing out in spades from the boys and soon became evident on the scoreboard. As if we didn't learn quickly enough that cards would be handed out for breathing in the wrong direction, our answering back and questioning of calls managed to net us no fewer than 5 yellow cards in the first half hour, and two goals to Beaumaris. The first a well timed strike taken from just inside the box, and the second a complete debacle as both Tim and Colin played rock, paper, scissors about who would clear the ball. Meanwhile, a Beaumaris punk (who by game's end was crying out for a smack in the mouth) chested the ball into the net from close range.
Best: Tim.......... kidding! Colin was the man.
The Rest: Rod, Tom, Nick, Mario,
So i couldn't help myself and trawled through the archives as i could've sworn we were on the wrong end of this ref once before. I give you a snippet about about his Central Park 'fondness' from the match report of Central Park Vs South Yarra, 19/08/2010 at Fawkner Park:
the ref astounded all, replying: “you should be over there, playing with them” as he pointed dagger-like to the adjacent oval of young girls having a kick. This was iced with a yellow card to Steve.
I'll leave it at that.
Central Park 1 - Beaumaris 8?
The lads from Central Park saw and felt this:
The ref though, saw this:
And thus begins a tale of farcical circumstances that had the Malvernians seeing more yellow than a Big Bird orgy, and like such a dalliance, boy did feathers fly.
Handball, (also known as team handball, Olympic handball, European handball, or Borden ball) is a team sport in which two teams of seven players each (six outfield players and a goalkeeper) pass a ball to throw it into the goal of the other team. A standard match consists of two periods of 30 minutes, and the team with the most goals scored wins.
More commonly, it's a game played in school yards across the land, usually with a scungy tennis ball. In fact i'd bet you a lick of Clearasil that the kids from Beaumaris High are dancing the bitumen do a game of 'handy' as i sit here in my grown ups job whilst they indulge in 'play lunch'.
Who gives a shit right?
Well, on Sunday's display one would be forgiven for thinking that our 'PR savvy' officiator was also a master multi-tasker and not just a football referree but a handball one too. The man is clearly working too hard, and seemingly got his 'crafts' mixed up and produced what was the most efficient refereeing performance you'd ever see - if we were playing handball. He was also sporting the latest in referreeing attire:
Central Park started well enough and were able to offset the youthful Beaumaris speed with efficient passing and movement off the ball. In what was quickly becoming a tight and entertaining match, the man in black seemed hellbent on stopping the play for the most minor of infringements against the CP boys. Adding to their frustration was a litany of handballs (see handball paragraph) that went uncalled. Irony would have it, that when he FINALLY did blow his whistle for a handling infringement, it was against Central Park! If frustration was creeping in, then sarcasm was oozing out in spades from the boys and soon became evident on the scoreboard. As if we didn't learn quickly enough that cards would be handed out for breathing in the wrong direction, our answering back and questioning of calls managed to net us no fewer than 5 yellow cards in the first half hour, and two goals to Beaumaris. The first a well timed strike taken from just inside the box, and the second a complete debacle as both Tim and Colin played rock, paper, scissors about who would clear the ball. Meanwhile, a Beaumaris punk (who by game's end was crying out for a smack in the mouth) chested the ball into the net from close range.
 |
| (Look-a-like: Did anyone else think the ref looked like this guy? Just as chilling too....) |
Down on the scoreboard and their luck, Central continued to fight their way back into the contest, all the while the baby faced assassins getting away with murder courtesy of snide elbows, shoves and late challenges from behind. Tom Davies, the only Central Park player within cooee of the Beamaris average age, then got on the ground with immediate impact. Tom's creativity opened the spaces and following a goalmouth scramble, Mario sniffed out an opportunist goal to keep CP in the contest.
Just on half time Tim would produce a smart save which was cancelled out by a moment of stupidity, as he directed an offside-themed tirade of abuse at the linesman. (Tim would later be advised that the player in question was in fact at least 5 yards ONside, whoops).
The blunder would prove costly, as no more than 10 minutes into the second half, an ill-disciplined Tim in goals would put forward his nomination for Dickhead of the Week. A Beaumaris forward ran at Tim who, cranky himself, collected him late and floored the gangly thing. A second yellow was issued and Tim commenced the walk of shame past the Beaumaris bench for an early shower. The irony (again) was that this time the Beaumaris player WAS offside and play about to be halted by the ref. Sometimes it's just not your day.
A brave Colin was tossed the gloves and number 1 shirt, and to say he performed admirably is a massive understatement. Under a barrage of pressure, with the kids from Beaumaris buzzing around like One Direction groupies at a hotel lobby, Colin produced some fine saves, often from close range and didn't look at all out of place (Colin, i'm away in a couple of weeks, cheers mate). What Colin couldn't repel, Rod and Mario did a fine job hacking the ball away countless times. Nick was continually swarmed upon like ants to a freshly dropped carcass as the score mounted and the Beaumaris coach followed through on his promise of Happy Meals for 5 goals plus.
Just on half time Tim would produce a smart save which was cancelled out by a moment of stupidity, as he directed an offside-themed tirade of abuse at the linesman. (Tim would later be advised that the player in question was in fact at least 5 yards ONside, whoops).
The blunder would prove costly, as no more than 10 minutes into the second half, an ill-disciplined Tim in goals would put forward his nomination for Dickhead of the Week. A Beaumaris forward ran at Tim who, cranky himself, collected him late and floored the gangly thing. A second yellow was issued and Tim commenced the walk of shame past the Beaumaris bench for an early shower. The irony (again) was that this time the Beaumaris player WAS offside and play about to be halted by the ref. Sometimes it's just not your day.
A brave Colin was tossed the gloves and number 1 shirt, and to say he performed admirably is a massive understatement. Under a barrage of pressure, with the kids from Beaumaris buzzing around like One Direction groupies at a hotel lobby, Colin produced some fine saves, often from close range and didn't look at all out of place (Colin, i'm away in a couple of weeks, cheers mate). What Colin couldn't repel, Rod and Mario did a fine job hacking the ball away countless times. Nick was continually swarmed upon like ants to a freshly dropped carcass as the score mounted and the Beaumaris coach followed through on his promise of Happy Meals for 5 goals plus.
Best: Tim.......... kidding! Colin was the man.
The Rest: Rod, Tom, Nick, Mario,
So i couldn't help myself and trawled through the archives as i could've sworn we were on the wrong end of this ref once before. I give you a snippet about about his Central Park 'fondness' from the match report of Central Park Vs South Yarra, 19/08/2010 at Fawkner Park:
the ref astounded all, replying: “you should be over there, playing with them” as he pointed dagger-like to the adjacent oval of young girls having a kick. This was iced with a yellow card to Steve.
I'll leave it at that.
you guys come across as very bitter in every single loss you have - which is quite often.
ReplyDeleteMaybe, just maybe, you are a rubbish team.
heres my number give me a call and we can arrange to meet and have a chat about your thoughts on my team cant wait to hear back from you steve 04320493023
ReplyDelete