Match Report: Thirds Vs Elwood

Sunday 27th May 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 1 - Elwood 2

Kit clash has EVERYONE seeing red

With confidence at a season high, the boys of Burke Rd rolled up to Central Park in the belief that this was as good a time as any to cause an upset and rocket into the top four. With sand between their toes, the might of Elwood stood before them boasting an impressive for and against, and no doubt anticipating a quick kill here.

Chicago, circa 1920, and Al Capone would fall victim to a stroke of genius from nemesis Elliot Ness and friends, who at the 11th hour would swap a jury paid off by Capone for one with slightly more integrity that ensured Capone's demise. (Stick with me, this has a point...)

A similar play would unfold on Sunday as Central Park pulled the 'Ness' card in seeking a tactical advantage on their opponent with a last minute pitch swap. O.k, so it was more about our usual pitch being an unplayable potato patch thanks to the rain, but the former reason sounded more impressive didn't it? 


Oh, and the move did sweet f*ck all.....

Like an adolescent fumbling his sweaty way around items of lingerie, many hands tried desperately pre-match to make light work of getting the nets attached to the state of the art new goal posts. Honestly, a lunar space expedition would've been more straight forward for CP's brains trust than the duct taping of nylon to steel.
Three quarters of an hour later, we were finished and scrambled to get a team on the park as Elwood stood around yawning and having idle chit-chat about next week's game.

Tim was still filling out the team sheet as he trotted towards his goal, whilst the match got underway. Again, not an ideal start for a side making a habit of giving opponents the early jump. Elwood knocked the ball around with ease and with very little resistance from the red and black - Stephen J, making a Ruud Gullit, Chelsea-like debut at sweeper. Fortunately he only got better as the match wore on, as passes and communication amongst the defence tightened.

Whilst Central Park were still finding their mojo, a well timed Elwood header found its way into the path of the skeletal Elwood striker who used his pace to run at an out of position Tim in goals, skip around him and slot the opener into an unguarded net. Similarly, just minutes later an almost carbon copy chain of events unfolded, the same player swooping on another opportunity and finishing well to narrowly squeeze a second past. 2 nil after 10 minutes, the signs weren't looking good.

With their tales well and truly in the air, Elwood assumed their first half dominance over a team not nearly giving an accurate account of themselves. The Rangers voices began to get louder and become more frequent, the lopsided possession count evening out. Hardness on the ball from the likes of Tim C and Jeremy sent a stern warning that the game was far from over, as several of the more 'sensitive' residents of Tennyson St took umbrage to the physical attention. Boohoo.

The usual barrage of goalmouth scrambling was suddenly replaced by long range shooting, not much more than practice for Tim in goals, and this would be as close as Elwood would come again to scoring for the time being. Meanwhile, Gaz and Tom were finally able to put the magazines and deck chairs away thanks to the Central Park mids beginning to create space for the two to have shots on goal.

Half time would sound out a clear message for the boys: "get to the ball first - it's why they're winning, and we're not". Scientific stuff. Mario resumed a talisman like role at the back freeing up wrecking ball Stephen to create havoc up front. It was Stu, meanwhile, that underestimated all of us. After doing a fine blanket job on Elwood's chief play maker for the first 20 minutes, things went a little pear shaped as the affable and cheeky tagger flipped the bird and turned on his own with an acid-tongued rant enough to make a wharfie blush. Stu has since received a call of support from QPR's Joey Barton, which i don't is a good thing or not?! Either way, bring back the Stu of old we know and love - you're better than that mate! *see footnote

(Angry Ant: Stu might've just bagged himself a new nickname!)

Disruptions aside, Central Park did what they've done so often season: follow up a shite first half with a brilliant display of dominance in the second. Tim C hunted the ball out at both ends of the ground, Dave dominated in the air and Tom ran his little heart out. Both Tim and Jeremy would find themselves seeing yellow as a consequence of seeing red, whilst Matt took enough punishment to put him on the pine for the afternoon.

With Central Park camped on the edge of the Elwood box, frustrations grew, the referee (who i'm certain didn't speak of word of English aside from the inevitable "$75 mat-ch fee puleez" after the match) was barely sighted. Desperate Elwood defence more than once brought down Central Park players they struggled to contain. Finally, luck would have it that 20 times was too many for young Tom to be floored, and a penalty given. 

Nick stepped up and tested the structural integrity of his goal net handiwork, smacking the ball hard and fast beyond the portly Elwood no. 1.

Elwood were quick to share the blame around - something we suspected might happened should their lead be threatened. Stand-in Captain Colin battled like a warrior, despite some close checking and verbal dash courtesy of the most rediculously stereotypical James Bond looking villain: big, mean, angry, distinguished accent, and a complete wanker. All the things one loves to hate! 

him?

or him?!

or this guy maybe!

But like many times this season, Central Park would finish the match the stronger but run out of time faster than their opposition would run out of legs. 

Best: Mario
The Rest: Damo, Jeremy, Nick, Tim C


*in searching for the term to best describe one who turns on their own, i.e. shoot the messenger, judas or something similar, the 'urban dictionary' threw up this pearler which i just HAD to share, fascinating stuff :

1.	shoot the snake
	Practice of exposing an erect penis (boner) in order to startle an unsuspecting person. Quite often used as a put down when done to an unpopular male or a male from outside your own social group. The implication is the recipient of the snake enjoys seeing other guys' boners. Shooting the snake can also be used to break up dull parties when someone has too much to drink and goes around showing his bone to party guests. May result in being punched in the nose or kicked in the nads.     can't wait for the next dull party...

Match Report: Masters Vs Collingwood

Sunday 27th May 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 4 - Collingwood 2

New Pitch - Same Mastery

After Friday's deluge on Friday our Eco-friendly line marking was quite literally washed away. Our ever resourceful Thirds sized up the issue and set up the second pitch. So a new experience for us making the long trek to the Western side of the Oval - "Fortress 2"

(The 'Wet Look' - The decision to shift pitches was touch and go, before CP erred on the side of caution)

We dominated the opening exchanges and were only denied an early goal by some gallant Collingwood defense.

Having played a number of long balls we finally gave the forwards a rest. Dave Neal ran the ball from the halfway line, made the defense commit then slipped a pass through to Lars who tucked away the opener.

Collingwood hung in as we mounted repeated attacks but the avalanche of goals didn't come.

Then completely against the run of play a driven cross field pass was intercepted by Klotzy's head and looped twenty five yards round Kostas and into the back of the net. All tied up and the Magpies started to entertain thoughts of stealing a point. 1-1 half time.

A clinical strategy for the second half - no long range shots, dominate possession, use the wide players, get the ball in the box and pressure the highly suspect goalie. Tone would have been proud.

So from the kick off Lars danced through the centre circle and shot from thirty+ yards then Gerard did the same from the next possession. Not sure what 'no shooting from outside the box' is in Danish and Irish but will look it up before next week's game.

(Semantics: incredible what Google finds when you punch in 'soccer - box - shoot', just incredible.... i'll keep searching though, just to be sure.....)

We pounded the Collingwood goal for the next ten minutes with Batesy and Joe denied and yours truly hitting the cross bar.

Finally The good Doctor, who'd been terrorizing their left back took control. Coming in from the wing he beat his man, straightened inside the box and blasted the ball past the keeper at the near post.

With the defensive plan torn up Collingwood had to chase the game. We kept control in midfield and some nice interplay with Klotzy (who somehow resisted the urge to hit it from 25 yards - too close?) and his usual magic feet in the box saw Lars tuck away his second for 3-1

In a half where the Big Fella had spent as much time in the Collingwood box as Batesy our 690th corner finally bore fruit. As the ball came back across the goal, Neil from a couple of yards out, turned 180 degrees, like a taller version of Messi, and punched home the fourth.

In a spirit of generosity we gave Collingwood's speedy striker some room to shoot and he did. At least they scored one of the six goals. 

(Red Letter Day: Finding the back of the net wasn't the only positive for Collingwood this week)

As always an entertaining game with our free flowing style drawing a record crowd - word is spreading. A fine win which places us third on the ladder behind Fitzroy and South Yarra.

Next week it's back to the Fortress against Clifton Hill.

Match Report: Thirds Vs Middle Park

Sunday 20th May 2012, Albert Park

Middle Park 1 - Central Park 2

Upper Class of Middle Park no match for Master Class of Central Park.

It would take the longest of memories to tell you when Central Park last came from behind claim a victory (actually, i'm pretty sure we did it last year in our one and only win for the season...) HOWEVER! the Burke Rd boys proved it could be done again, putting in a magnificent performance against a highly fancied opposition at Albert Park on Sunday.

A last minute venue change,  the annual Yuppies in the ergh.... i mean 'Pets' in the Park festivities complemented by an Albert Park traffic jam made life bloody difficult for the visiting Central Park. Disruptions aside, the message was clear on the back of last week's shock loss - "no slow start".

Completing more laps than Mark 'DNF' Webber, and competing for a car park as aggressively as DNF Webber would for a respectable place on the grid, Gaz and Tim N circled the Albert Park circuit acutely aware that kick off was fast approaching. The boys finally made it into the 'garage' for a last minute kit out and team meeting. Stressful stuff!

The Central Park exchange student program continues to prove a marvel, this week the Thirds reaping the windfall of a Masters bye and able to meet the personnel shortfall through the experience of Paul Davies and Lars Lindstrom, keen for a run. Throw in Tom Davies from the CP Youth Academy and it was a strong line-up.

A thoroughly entertaining match ensued and it was end to end stuff, both sides using the flanks to set up attack. Tom was causing all kinds of headaches for an opponent marking him like a shadow, continually holding the ball up and creating space for himself. Middle Park weren't without sound ball movement of their own, and Colin was quickly reminded what a 2 week lay off can set you back as he commenced an enthralling tussle with Middle Park's Nordic whippet.

 

(Unfortunate or Uncanny? - either way, the Middle Park winger was at least a decent bloke)

The talk was good, and a great energy about buzzed around the boys so naturally you know what comes next...... yep, a f*cking goal against the run of play to the opposition. Actually it wasn't before the forward presence of Stephen 'Phantom' Justice made an appearance for CP and went close with a powerful header just over the bar. This was followed by an atrocious piece of defending that allowed a Middle Park midfielder to amble in to goal and somehow get a shot past 3 of Central Park's finest, only the post saving them from a moments embarrassment. Then came a rare lapse from Dave, who i'm certain gets more possession via head than toe, allowed a shot on goal forcing Tim into a stinging save. THEN, from the resultant corner, Middle Park would be awarded a penalty against an extremely unlucky Captain Cresswell who not much more than massaged the back of a NIDA bound Middle Parker. A well stuck penalty gave the homeside the half time advantage.

With Mario preferring linesman duties over sweeping for the sake of a troublesome groin, Central park continued their 4-3-3 set up, Rod as usual taking his weekly quota of punishment for the sake of keeping things safe at the back. Well supported by Dave, having another fine game, pushing attackers off the ball and setting up for the likes of Damian and Jeremy to ferry the ball downfield.

Perhaps a changing of the guard is upon us, as there was a genuine belief that this match was very much for the taking despite being behind on the scoreboard - an idea that was no doubt laughable in days gone by. Deficit aside, Central Park worked as hard as ever, Lars showing age is no barrier, mincing down the touchline like a 20yo Michael Laudrup. Tom, proving that he really is Wonderboy, added another string to his bow with throw in's a contortionist would be proud of, landing on the head of a 20c piece, then hit Stephen J with an absolute cracker that was beautifully steered off the rear of Stephen's cranium for the equaliser.

(Freak: Tom Davies pulls another party trick)

A very meek Middle Park were suddenly kicked into gear and straight back on the attack. A slick long ball (which they really invested heavily in!) catching Central Park on the back foot.

(Quick Fact: At half time Colin could be overheard voicing his concerns about the zippy presence of the before mentioned Nordic Sven, to which Tim in goals facetiously responded "good thing he hasn't got much of a first touch - you'll never live it down if he takes one off ya Col!").

Well, it only took Sven's next touch to put egg well and truly on Tim's face as he met a seemingly innocent cross with a scorching volley that almost had Tim in the spinal ward and most certainly eating dirt. Fortunately, he was able to tip the ball over the bar in between mouthfuls of humble pie. 1 a piece it remained.

Chances continued to present themselves to Central Park, and unlike last week the boys had the depth to rotate and launch an all out assault. A welcome change from 'late withdrawal' to 'late inclusion' came CP's way as Nick pleasantly surprised all bar his physio, and showed even on one leg his worth and dominance in the air yet again.

Bodies went on the line, as Kamikaze Colin copped a bootful of leather in saving a certain goal. Fearing his Chippendales career had eluded him, Colin rose, relieved that an ivory set resembling a baby grand was still very much in his keeping. Just to be sure, Matt came on in replacement and continued his versatility as a steadfast right-back (and he says he can't defend!).

(Life after football: Colin Brien - photo courtesy of Daylesford Convent)

They say one good turn deserves another, well one shit one deserves similar - that's the best metaphor i could churn out right now so i'll just press on eh? So, Steve would be granted the chance for some redemption in giving away that atrocious first half penalty. A lazy and blatant (one of many for the day) handball would prove Middle Park's undoing. The referree pointed spot-wards and Steve did his best Harlem Globetrotters impersonation 'skillfully' teasing the keeper with a shot that wore the post before resting in the opposite side of the net. 2-1.

Most satisfying, Central Park would step up a gear and run out the game the stronger - again a very foreign concept for even the most ardent of Ranger's fans. Tom, who'd clocked up more km's on the park than DNF Webber had done on the neighboring sandpit, deserved a goal more than anybody in an inspiring performance which didn't once see the lightly built lad flinch.

The team confidence continues to build, with a place in the top four on offer should the boys be able to knock off Elwood at home - yet another opponent sitting above them but a very winnable game.

GO CENTRAL!

Best: Tom

The Rest: Dave, Rod, Paul D, Steve C

Match Report: Masters Vs Ashburton

Sunday 13th May 2012, Central Park Malvern

Central Park 4 - Ashburton 2

"If you win - you can have next week off, but only if you win" - CP Coaching Committee.

And so it went - 

On a traditional Melbourne day of sun, wind and torrential rain the gods smiled on us by clearing the skies for our local derby against Ashy.

We played into what was left of the breeze and both teams started brightly.

The twin towers were reunited at the back and immediately dominated proceedings in the air leaving Ashy no choice but to limit themselves to a ground level assault.

Our early forays were quick and clinical and after ten minutes we started to get well on top. Despite Neil and Lars dazzling footwork Ashy held out well. Having been racing all over the park the breakthrough came with an incredible jinking run by Dave Neal who went past four defenders, some of them twice, taking him into the area where he coolly slotted the opener. Clearly a different approach to 2012 where Dave refused to score, even when unopposed, until the very end of the season.

Despite the occasional forward burst the midfield was solid with Joe, Gerard and Peter well in control. A careless foul on the halfway line would have been harmless enough if we'd had the wind behind us. However, wind against Klotzy sized it up and decided even he couldn't hit it over the bar from 50 yards out and into the breeze. And so it proved as his trusty left boot dispatched the ball a foot under the bar for 2-0. "Roy of the Rovers" at its very best.

Just before the half Ashy pulled a goal back but all the TV channels were still running replays of Klotzy's goals whilst mathematicians hypothesised that Newton may have got it wrong.

The second half was more brilliant play from Central as we turned the screws and Dave Neal capped a best on ground day with an elegant finish to put us 3-1 ahead.

In between events the ref asked that I uncross my arms if I was going to "run" the line - delirious from the festival of football in front of me I had no comeback. Just as well he didn't realise I hadn't even been watching.

Sparked by the ref's chiding I did flag for my only off-side of the day as Lars broke free and scored. At least this should keep the golden boot interesting.

With the game in the bag I think we let Ashy have another goal before Neil Bates capped off another gut busting day with a fine goal. Still no yellows this season for Batesy but it is early days or is this the benefit of parenthood?

In the end a deserved 4-2 win and a really good team performance. Special note to Ant who donned the gloves and kept superbly for the second time this season.

Next game is at home to Collingwood on the 27th so enjoy the BYE this weekend.

Coach Captain Paul Davies.

Match Report: Thirds Vs Boroondara

Sunday 13th May 2012, Central Park Malvern.

Central Park 1 - Boroondara 2

Central Park 'grimace' over narrow defeat.

Purple strip - check

Rain, shitloads of it - check

Clearly this week's opponents couldn't contain their excitement for Prince's Purple Rain Australian tour, demonstrated by their gooorrrrgggeeooouuussss purple costumes, set to the backdrop of timely Melbourne showers.

Unfortunately for Boroondara's audience Rangers, they would feel something resembling more like the bitchy wrath of Madonna's heeled studded stiletto's for the bulk of the afternoon.

("just a scratch" - a brave Daniel Jones takes one for the team)

As usual this cross town rivalry didn't disappoint in what was a hard fought and physical encounter. Central Park would produce their worst stanza of football for the year in the opening 15 minutes, which would ultimately prove the difference.

Like last week, Central Park were sweating on clientele, courtesy of a day dedicated to dear old mum. Having said that, the atrocious weather would have even the most ardent of footballer preferring the familiar surroundings of 'the womb'. Mark and Nick would be late withdrawals leaving the CP lads with a best case starting scenario of 12. It was only the seemingly endless generosity of the Davies family that would see father'n'son combo Paul and Tommy help out. Mrs D allowing both hubby and offspring off the chain for the afternoon despite the hallmark occasion - what a darling.

Central Park got off to a disastrous start, lacking the intensity of aggression that yielded last week's win, against a team more hellbent on playing wet weather football. Richard Price, good enough to answer the team SOS, would pick up from where he left off - a stable hand at right back and still very much under siege from opposition attack (Pricey, i swear we've improved since you last played for the red and black!).

Like 11 Grimace's hunting out an errant cheeseburger or MILF at a macca's kids party, the Rangers boys were harassed, touched up and chased all over the park. And when they weren't in possession - which was most of the time, Boroondara toyed with the lads and had them do the chasing, whilst being camped in their own half.

It wasn't long before Boroondara's slick movement off the ball created space for a loose man to hit a well timed pass perfectly, which rocketed past a statued Tim for a fine opening goal.

With Central Park's heads still seemingly in the clouds on the back of last week's victory, Boroondara continued to surge forward, winning anything in the air and stretching the Rangers formation.

An extremely flat, lifeless and lethargic home side would need to go a second behind before rousing from their slow start. A corner kick this time the opportunity taken, a skin headed self proclaimed 'geezer', completely unmarked drilling the ball low between the foot of Pricey and a diving Tim who managed to catch more of Pricey's boot than he did the ball. 2 nil.

Mario would succumb to a hamstring injury in a shambolic opening 45 for CP, who started to claw their way back into the contest. Boroondara now found themselves on the back foot, the pressure from the likes of Paul D, Daniel and Stuart causing all sorts of problems. As Boroondara tried to will themselves back to their earlier cracking standard, young Tom forced a critical turnover, ran the ball well, and unselfishly passed the ball across to a waiting Garriet to tap home the easiest of goals.

A tight tussle continued in the second half, as a frustrated Boroondara attempted to gain some breathing space with another goal. Consistent as always, Rod mopped up at the back with the aid of Daniel, who by the end of this match would look something like the victim of a Grey Street dominatrix. Bites, slaps, studs, welts and even a late attempted strangulation would prove part of the repertoire of a most irritating and unsporting Boroondara git, who somehow received not much more than a yellow card for his antics! It was a rough afternoon for one of CP's more mild mannered gents, who more than held his own. Every cloud has it's silver lining though, and word has it that the makers of 8mm having been knocking at Dan's door to talk about a sequel.

The freezing wind and rain that dogged the first half wouldn't be seen for the remainder of the match, and nor would the the scoreboard attendants for that matter, despite CP going agonizingly close to securing the equaliser. The dominance of Dave and Steve in the air, and Paul D's penetrating runs weren't to be rewarded, as the goal wouldn't come, and Boroondara would survive, just.

Best: Dan

The Rest: Paul D, Dave, Rod, Tim C

Match Report: Thirds Vs Monash Uni

Sunday 6th May, 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 4 - Monash Uni 0


Central Park spend up big in the face of frugal Federal Budget.


On the eve of Treasurer Swan announcing a fiscal nightmare for the ritzy ratepaying Malvern locals, their beloved Central Park Rangers were a world away, shaking off any such stresses with a 4 nil hiding of fellow cellar-dwellers Monash Uni. 

Following two spirited losses and a draw, a win was a long time coming for the red and black CP Thirds. Facing an opposition with similar credentials, this was Central Park's chance to capitalise, and boy, did they do just that.

A buoyant mood was evident for the first home game of the season, despite Central Park being decimated by injury and unavailability - at one stage facing the real possibility of having only 10 players. However, that was knocked on the head as the lads showed their commitment to the team and suddenly a squad of 14 was more than ready for battle. Cameo of the year from last season, Wade, even put his hand up to help Central Park out, pushing through soreness thanks to a brutal match the day prior.

Where Wade would suffer in silence, the same couldn't be said for our friendly whistled adjudicator, his pre-game speil going something like: "Right, i referreed games on both Thursday and Friday night, plus a Premier League Game yesterday, so if i make a mistake - it's cos i'm tired" - whilst splitting the atom and serving meals at the local soup kitchen later that afternoon, he would be overheard saying: "got a bit of a sore back from restumping the house this morning, just hope i'm right to invade Poland next week - honestly, my wife will leave me when she gets to know me". What a trooper! Not a bad ref either.

In front of a vocal Malvern crowd, the fired up Rangers boys continued their consistant neat, short and sharp passing game from the kickoff. Championchip data would illustrate a lopsided possession count and workrate in their favor - not bad for a team missing regulars Colin, Richard, Mario, Stu Fleming and captain Steve Creswell.

Central Park's physical pressure would quickly become the dominant factor against the 'less robust' Monash bodies, a couple of seasons short of equal stature.

Tim Charters would again get the ball rolling for the homeside, grinding out a fantastic goal. The Central Park spearhead wrestled his own possession, brushed past no less than 3 defenders, danced alone the bi-line and rippingly slotted the ball low and hard from close range for the opener.

A rolled ankle to Mark, coupled with flying Daniel having his shin trodden on in something more like a Rugby ruck'n'maul were two of the more notable adversities to come Central Park's way in the first half. Well, you could also throw in Paul fashion sense courtesy of his brand new orange boots - but he likes them so that's open for debate.....

1 nil at the break was promising, but Central Park were far from convinced that the points were in the bag. With good reason too, as yet another younger team would come at them full of running looking to exploit their speed out wide.

Down to 13 following Mark's early retirement, the lads kept the rotations coming to combat inevitable fatigue that seems to follow this ageing team like old ladies to a Tom Jones gig. Rod, who'd found the time to give a 'fly-on-the-wall' half time phone interview, picked up from where he left off,  dominating at the back, and totally owning the Monash centre forward.

Damo, in the first game back of his swan-song Central Park career, was his usual gritty self - often ending on his arse, but always managing to prize away possession or take care of his opponent.

Like a scene from Children of the Damned, the trio of Paul-Jeremy-Tim would spook the shit out of not only the opposition but also their own team mates, courtesy of an almost 'sixth sense' in being able to find one another. Time and again it would happen, a no-look pass here, blind glancing header into one anothers path there. A yelp this way, a bark that - it was magical to watch, and downright creepy..... I'm going to assume it's a bi-product of playing in the same team for a while, though i'm packing the garlic and a vile of holy water next week.

As the Monash machine would gradually peiter out, Central Park upped the tempo in search of more goals. They didn't have to wait long, as Gaz, who'd been selfless all day in holding the ball up and providing for others around him - farmed a ball out to Jeremy to find space and score his first of the season.
An injured Nick, who would play a vital 'swiss army knife' type role under considerable pain then found himself in space (possibly because he too was headed for sideline thanks to a quarrelsome calf), moved forward, and finished truly.

If there was ever a question that Tom Davies was a footballers son, it was confirmed at the tireless young buck ran all day and was rewarded with the final goal of the afternoon. Clearly the boy's mother had footballing acumen..... :)

A couple of late surges by the opposition who made changes of their own, would threaten keep things interesting, but fine defending by Matt, Dave and Tim in goals would ensure that a clean sheet was kept and that this paragraph would give every player a mention. Probably an appropriate gesture for what was a brilliant all round team performance.

Tim C - 1
Jeremy - 1
Nick - 1
Tommy - 1

Best: Tim C
The Rest: Jeremy, Rod, Daniel, Dave, Paul

Match Report: Thirds Vs RMIT

Sunday 29th April, 2012, Poplar Oval Carlton.

RMIT FC 3 - Central Park 1

Hodgson given goalkeeping selection headache.

With only 12 players on hand, courtesy of two game day fitness test failures, Central Park's task of toppling another younger, fitter and faster edumacated outfit was made that little bit more improbable.

Early on 12 would become 11 as Scott, who'd graciously offered to do his bit and keep despite having a bung hammy, would succumb to the same injury. Coincidentally, 'Scottish-Scott' (say that 6 times fast after a few jars of Belhaven) conceded his place in the side shortly after captain Steve Cresswell 'generously' offered him his England team cap to help shield the rays. A fellow defender who shall not be named Richard Owen or anything similar would be quoted as hearing from Scott: "i should chop off my head before wearing this shite". Ouch!

Enter Colin Brien in between the sticks, who after two weeks of physical punishment as a defender, would surely find refuge in the no. 1 shirt. After a baptism of fire from the RMIT strike force, Colin's fine first half saves were negated when an RMIT buzzard pounced on a rebound for the first goal of the match. 1 nil.

Find of the year, Tim Charters would soon pull back the deficit after a sublime turn from the wrong side of half way, surge forward and release what might've been a fine cross but instead netted a fabulous goal. Tim's brilliant start to the season continues as he eyes off an early contender for the Golden Croc.

1 a piece.

Half time approached in what was a see-sawing battle, when the RMIT winger took advantage of some 'unfortunate' defending resulting in a gift second goal for the homeside. A slunt of a way to end the first half.

"O Captain my Captain" was the opening from recent amputee Scott, followed by his best Walt Whitman/William Wallace (let's just call him WW either way) rendition, as he did his bit from the sideline where he couldn't on the pitch. A stirring speech nonetheless, and one that sparked the lads into action for the second half, typified by a impenetrable offside trap.

With legs at a premium, CP battled their arses off to keep in the game and forced RMIT to make very sure they capitalised on opportunities in front of goal. That said, it was an opportunist effort that would see the southerly gale carry the ball yonder toward the CP goal, allowing a 'surprised' RMIT kid up front to get a shot on goal which kissed the woodwork before an even younger 'freshman' would arrive on the scene, beer-bong in hand, to tap in - Meanwhile the AC defenders were still in the process of meandering back.

  

The game seemingly out of reach, pinch-hitter Richard Owen was thrown the no. 9 Chris Sutton Chelsea shirt. Whilst big Rich would produce similar results to Chris on this occasion, he did manage lay a tackle and do 'something' - two more things than Sutton himself.....

Similar angst and niggle would come from the CP boys, frustrated by the state of play, and desperately in search of win no. 1. The last 20 again showed glimpses of promise for the lads, despite being without result.

A third and final and possibly most impressive goalkeeping change would take place in the unlikely form of Captain Cresswell. Forever showing his versatility, Steve not only kept a clean sheet, but also made Steve O'Grizovich look ordinary and in the words of team mate Mark 'Sparky' Coulter, i quote:  "3 words: Shay-Given-Hollywood"

An undermanned Central Park would go down yet again, and testing times to continue with a bevy of "other footed" (defenders) missing for the next week or so. That said, the enthusiasm remains and a win is getting closer with every week.

Best: Tim C

The Rest: The Rest!