Match Report: Thirds Vs Old Melburnians

Sunday 2nd September 2012, Flack Park Port Melbourne
Old Melburnians 3 - Central Park 4

Central Park out of juice as Old Melburnians put out of misery.

Rod's unusual request for a 'bottle opener', of all things, to be brought to the final game of the season had many scratching their heads. 

But it wasn't 'baby-brain' or the rigors of a long season taking full effect on him, no, the rumour mill was in full swing amid the possibility that Rod would be bringing a slab of fancy European beer for the lads post match. Though that wasn't strictly true either - after all, Rod did confess to paying the penalty of Sorbolene abuse rendering him out-maneuvered by the humble domestic beer 'twist top'. 

I've made the joke now, so i'll stop crapping on.....

Whilst the beer chilled in the carpark, the Central Park lads hoped to play some champagne football, made possible by a pitch Eddie Charlton wouldn't be out of place on. Talk about saving the best for last, a miracle ANY pitch could be in this pristine a condition at the tail end of a Thirds competition. Central Park won the toss and elected to break....

Not even the FFV would be OM's saviour this time, as Central Park dominated from the outset. Blustery conditions and being acclimatised to a bogans wet dream (the noise of 8 lanes of traffic plus a go-cart track) the only things being in OM's favour. 

A southerly of different kind would keep the match interesting - OM trying to avoid relegation, all the while Central Park trying to finish on a high with a win and possibly a leap into the top half of the competition.

Not a great deal had changed since the last encounter however, OM's still had the same 3 or 4 stand out players to keep them in the contest, and Central Park going about their business and rarely being threatened.

Reincarnated centre-forward Richard Owen started strongly, at times gallivanting across the veteran friendly surface like a gazelle enjoying the African sun - could he be auditioning for a contract with OM's ala Hendy, Phillips and Byrne?!?!

Still no goals, despite a barrage of scoring chances as Nick, Rich, Alex, Steve and even bloody Rod! used the adjacent shipping containers as target practice.
Frustrating as all hell that the deadlock couldn't be broken given the half was played mostly behind enemy lines. 

Testament to both being this end of the season and age bracket, regular changes were made for both sides on what was an unusually hot day. John came off the bench for a wounded Gaz and instantly bullied his way through the centre in typical fashion. Stu 'turn-style' Fleming provided spark of the pine allowing Rich a spell and opportunity to burp a child or two whilst catching his breath.

Zip all at the break (somehow), as the boys chewed on grass for sustenance in lieu of oranges nowhere to be found this week. That was the least of their worries, as a mild concern set in over not having troubled the scoring attendant.

"Alright, no more f*cking around!" was the basic message issued to the lads, keen to get on with things and hoe into the Peroni's. A raspberry fizzy drink was all young Tom needed as an incentive to get on with things, a native to this pitch evident as he skipped around opponents and played the wind to his advantage on the corners. As Richard Owen went agonisingly close to benefiting from one of them, Tom then took it upon himself to whip a doozy in that found the back of the net for the opener. 

A collective sigh of relief could be heard from the red and black who started to warm up and replicate the first half. Rich wouldn't be denied this time as his next opportunity was one for the family postcard, the Owen clan on hand to (possibly) witness old Dad move a step closer to the Golden Croc and score - God help them if they didn't, we all know how he gets...

With Tim N working on his tan (which regularly skips a shade straight to scarlet) in goals, he was suddenly prompted into action as a sleepy Central Park defence allowed a bouncing through ball to find it's way into the path of the OM's forward. Tim converged at pace, but with one hand metaphorically already grasping on a chilling Peroni, could only get the other to the ball as an unconvincing clearance found it's way goal. The job not done, and OM's with a sniff.

Having had the snooze button hit on them, Central Park sprung back into action, once again Tom on hand to save the day. A terrific passing movement found the feet of Tom, who, this time was promised a shandy, finished brilliant to give Central Park some breathing space.

The game began to peter out as interest in football waned, as much as desire for beer and off season recovery loomed. A fourth then went in thanks to a stunning volley courtesy of Alex from the wrong side of the 18 yard box. Central Park really did seem like they were playing pool as the cue went well and truly in the rack and OM's managed to scramble in two late sundries just for shits and giggles.

A final score of 4-3, closer than it suggested as OM's moved to greener (if possible) pastures, Division 4. 

Best: Tom
The Rest: Rod, Steve, Alex, Nick

 

Match Report: Thirds Vs Old Xaverians

Sunday 26th August 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 2 - Old Xaverians 4


Rangers prove that they DO play in the second half!


If memory serves me correctly (and it's a memory i don't hold particularly dearly!), our match against 'Xavs' earlier in the year started with Central Park scrambling to get 11 largely disinterested boys on the pitch. Not to harp on it, but those who did show were operating pretty much on the smell of an oily rag (except for the two Steve's). With a warm up consisting of smoking, tits'n'arse banter, arguments over who out of Steve and Steve was the more hung over (for the record, Steve won that one on the technicality of still being pissed) and the nearly impossible task of getting Steve (the drunk one) onto the pitch ala George Best circa 1968 - things seemed inevitable, and were. The match ended with....well, it didn't reach it's end - literally, after a hypersensitive aficionado carried on like the wife in a DV relationship, walking out over Steve's alcoholism....and refusal to vacate "the arena". All this in a half of footballing madness.

Every cloud has it's silver lining though, and from such disastrous adversity came a more 'team' attitude consisting of book keeping, pre-game warm ups and orange eating competitions. Results suddenly improved on the field by the actions off it, and it was this reinvigorated side that Xavs would have to fight off, this time for the full 90 minutes.

And so it was, after that disastrous first round encounter with the hard nuts of Kew, Central Park would redeem themselves as a worthy opponent capable of giving one of the competition powerhouses an almighty scare.

The theory was a simple one: restrict the slick ball movement that previously saw the Central Park defence stretched like their team budget around this time every year. Early on this worked a treat, as the bigger bodies of Nick and Jeremy made life in the centre of the park and absolute no-go zone, forcing Xav's wide in search of space. It was quickly realised that there'd be no easy passage to goal, as a torrid battle on one wing ensued between John and his pass-shy nemesis. That would be short lived, as in true IRA 'eye for an eye' fashion, Colin would go in to bat for John's grievances and more or less 'cap' the bloke and end his afternoon. One more for the Paralympic team i guess.... Das venture South to the opposite flank, and revelation Alex did his thing, linking up with both Jeremy and Daniel in another impressive display.

As a result of the hard work, several chances fell the way of Central Park. Nick firing off one of his trademark bullet's that only just missed it's intended target, as a very nervous second string keeper kept a close eye on Gaz, Alex and Jeremy who threatened regularly.

To their credit Old Xav's persevered, and where they couldn't pass their way through the Central Park defensive line, the silver foxed no. 10 took upon himself to unleash a drive from the half-volley with his back to goal. A recently rested Tim barely saw it, and might've pushed it over the bar had the ball not taken his fingertips with it on it's voyage to goal via the cross bar. An absolute cracker, who the humble forward would proclaim post match that: "it was an accident". Modest git!

So where that goal couldn't be avoided, the next one could've as the Central Park back four assumed an offside flag would be raised. The diminutive Xav's forward couldn't believe his good fortune, and nearly assumed an offside call himself. Instead he coolly slotted the easiest of finishes past an advancing Tim in goals. Soft as custard.

Two goals very much against the run of play had knocked the boys confidence down a peg or two, and suddenly the ensuing panic was allowing Xav's to play their natural game and move the ball around more freely. Corners and badly taken free kicks were the only thing keeping the score unchanged, but even that luck could be pushed only so far. A seemingly rudimentary clearance by John quickly morphed into an absolute peach of a well timed through ball - sadly though it was perfect only for the oncoming Xav's marksman who drilled it into an unguarded net. A shocker for John, who otherwise was having a sensationally dominant game from the back.

Heads dropped and the feeling of de ja vu was beginning to creep into the match. This sick feeling then began to feel like the Hoddle St massacre as shortly after a fourth went in from a corner.

A brilliant opening half hour stooled all over by an atrocious final 15 minutes of the first stanza.

The second half commenced with Central Park knowing full well they were a vastly better team than was reflected on the scoreboard, and certainly a more capable one than the shambolic rabble that fronted up earlier in the season.

I don't think even the most dyed-in-the-wool Rangers tragic could've envisaged a result of any description, let alone a fightback. True to form though, the unpredictability and world class standard of Sunday football threw yet another curve ball as Central Park mounted a challenge.

Steve woke from his first half slumber in setting up endless attacking raids for the Central Park quicks, on one occasion a sleek passing movement looking like going end to end for a goal.

The interchange between Richard Owen and Gaz, who despite a crook back, left nothing in the tank, was confusing for Xavs as it was effective - both going close on several occasions. 

Another goal keeper change at the break meant more liability for the visiting side, and it was a complete debacle that provided Central Park with a close range chance thanks to a backpass.

In what was quite possibly the longest drawn out free kick in footballing history. The Xav's captain did his mean-spirited best to hold up play citing "wanting to give the ball to the referee" as grounds for not allowing Central Park to take their free kick. After Steve nearly knocked his block off and then received the stock standard yellow card, he then also layed off the simplest of passes to the hard working Alex who, chillaxed as you like, scored to start the comeback.

Xav's seemed somewhat shocked that they were unable to build on their half time tally, the silence deafening as Stu, quite often resembling a turnstyle ferretted his way around the park and produced regular turn-overs.

Richard Owen would go close a couple of times with his head up front in a quest for his maiden Golden Croc. Whilst down back, Daniel repelled any counter attacks working in well with Kars and Steve.

Another free kick just outside the box presented itself, and stand in keeper or not, Steve wouldn't be denied as a perfectly placed dead ball was curled over and around the wall for a second.

A see-sawing struggle played out with chances falling to both teams, but for the most part Central Park dominating the half whilst camping the inside Old Xavarians own.

Impressive gusto and might shown by the lads from 4 nil down, and surely only divine FFV intervention will save Old Melburnian's at 'the pool table' next Sunday.

Best: Alex
The Rest: Steve, Jeremy, Nick, Daniel

Match Report: Thirds Vs Elwood FC

Sunday 12th August 2012, Elwood

Elwood 0 - Central Park 2

"You turned up because 'why?' Hendy?"

You read correctly, club legend Mark 'Hendy' Henderson made a surprise appearance on Sunday, not to put in a cameo (yes, yes we've learnt from that mistake, "big brother is watching" etc, etc) or even to cheer the lads on (though we know his heart lies with the Red and Black). So as excitement rippled through the AC ranks at a possible re-defection by Hendy, reality hit home – as he was only returning borrowed Central Park property and delivering a Dora microphone for Steve’s daughter – much to Steve’s chagrin.

  

On a lovely sunny day down at the Elwood grounds, a strong line up was on hand – Colin again in nets, Steve and Rod in the middle and Dan leading the way on the flanks. Our regular midfield trio of George, Nick J and John ensured Elwood would feel like they were running on the more familiar surface of sand. 

With the dynamic duo Gaz and Rich O upfront with Alex playing just behind, and a fantastic back up in Tom to come off the bench, an upset with very much within reach.

The opening half hour was dominated by Central Park, with the midfield dominant but just lacking a final killer pass (or perhaps the forwards (Owen) too slow?).

Elwood though hit back in last 15 mins of the half with Colin pulling off two outstanding saves - the first with his feet, the other a push around the post - an ungodly sight as the goalie top looked more like a potato sack on Colin compared to a 'rippling' Tim. (It's my party and i'll cry if i want to, so ner!)

Half time and it was all square at 0 - 0, but confidence hummed through the AC camp. Conversely, Elwood looked like they were getting a bit tired as they were even older than Central Park! (in saying that I think I am by far the oldest now at 40! *Richard Owen)

After some wise and sage words from Rod plus the all important orange burst (supplied by rodders himself) – we entered the second half with gusto!

The crowd now growing to around 30 (biggest all season) saw a second half dominated by a confident Central Park side. Defence was as hard as a rock - someone from the crowd referring to Gibraltar at one stage, whilst a random beach pervert offloaded a Viagra quip (Richard, please! family blog), and as expected the Central Park midfield were running rings around their weary opponents whilst our forwards caused havoc!

It was then that one of the many flowing moves saw the first goal transpire – a long ball was sent up the left wing where Rich O collected and laid it off to a rampaging George whose delicate touch put Nick J in acres of space. Still 25 yards out, Nick pulled the trigger and bang! In she went, top corner – the (slightly overweight) Elwood keeper nowhere near it! A well deserved 1-0 lead. (note that my wife and two kids came to the game – but none of them saw my goal – why bother I ask! *Richard 'worlds smallest violin' Owen).

Still dominating the game but being frustrated by several offside decisions (not sure if people understand this rule sometimes!), Central Park were awarded a free kick after a fabulous run by Tom. Stevie C stepped up and put a cm perfect cross on the noggin of the veteran Welshman who let the ball do the work by hitting his head and flying into the roof of the net! GAME OVER!!!

Elwood huffed and puffed for the final 15 but still Colin didn’t make a save in the 2nd half – shots from 40 yards being the only threat from Elwood now – and some constant whinging by a grey haired pommie lad from Yorkshire!

Gaz nearly put the icing on the cake with an audacious back heal attempt late on – only to be stymied by an Elwood defender

Best – Nick J/Alex

Rest – everyone else – magnificent 12 man effort!

Match Report: Central Park v Clifton Hill v Collingwood

Central Park 3 - Collingwood 4

Central Park 2 - Clifton Hill 3

The two that got away.

Beautiful sunny day and a pretty flat track for the game. As ever we scrambled for a starting 11 - but once Batesy realised he wasn't playing down the road at Richmond we were set.

Our starting 11 soon dropped to 10 as Robb suffered another ligament injury which will put him out for the rest of the year. We battled on with 10 as Rand continued his tour of the local environs. 

By the time Rand got on the field we'd already been ambushed to be 2-0 down. With parity in numbers we set about the chase. 

A reshuffle at the back saw us transition to a back 3 and man marking job on their best player. Worked beautifully and we bossed the last 20 mins of the half. 

Looked like we'd let them off the hook with Batesy, Lars and Rand all going close. Finally Lars was played through and tucked away his first for 2-1 at half time. 

We kept our momentum going and piled on the pressure. The only thing stopping a rout was our ability to hit the woodwork or the keeper. Again Lars popped up on the left and tucked away the equalizer. 

Seemed like only time before we would take the lead. Peter drove at the keeper, Batesy had one turned onto the bar and the keeper denied Lars a hat trick. 

A rare forward foray earned Collingwood a corner a half clearance fell to one of their players and somehow a scuffed shot bobbled in past the near post. 

We kept piling on the pressure and a lovely ball from Joe put Lars through on a tight angle. The keeper could only slow the ball's progress - post match review showed Batesy hammer the ball home from a few inches for the equaliser. 

As the Collingwood keeper wasted time it looked like a draw but no. A long kick found its way to their left wing and the super sub got to the by line and pulled it back to the waiting masses for Collingwood to go 4-3 up. 

With a minute to go the keeper again tried to run the clock down but having given the ref the hump all day (including a yellow when he disputed a throw-in in our half) he held the ball for a good 10 seconds and gifted us an indirect free kick. 

The next five minutes were pure theatre. 

As we lined up the free kick I took the usual irritating mossie position in front of the goalie. True to type a two handed shove in the back and the ref pointed to the spot. 

Lars hat trick beckoned but unbelievably the keeper saved it. He then pointed out to the ref what a bad decision he'd made - a bad move with Arthur (ref) at the best of times but especially on a yellow and off the young fellow went. Thinking they may need to fund some more FFV fair play Clinics their Centre forward told the ref what he thought of him. Arthur's retort was a second red card which seemed to end the discussion once his team mates managed to drag him off the pitch

No fairy tale end as our next indirect free kick went harmlessly wide. 

Great game, seven goals, saved pen, two red cards (all for dissent - note)

Clifton Hill

A switch to Darebin meant quick pace and a need to have our passing game at its very best. A gale force wind at kick off also wasn't going to help. 

Russell joined us for a first run. With Rand lost somewhere between the pitch and the change rooms he slotted in at centre back with the Big Fella - Mike B smartly clutching the flag to ensure he didn't get drafted in. 

Our quick changes were tested from the off as Clifton Hill hit top gear from the kick off. 

Within ten minutes Clifton hill were one up and a short time after it was 2-0. Deja vu?

Once we put our foot on the ball we hit our straps. Ian and Niall built our attacking platform - looked a lot like give it to Dave and let him run at the full back. 

This combo terrorized Clifton Hill for the rest of the half while Peter and Andy V did the same on the right. 

It looked like they'd hold out until half time until Dave pinned his ears back, went past two, then squared to Batesy just inside the box and his trusty left made it 2-1. Classy goal and just reward on the stroke of half time. 

Second half saw debutant Russell play right mid and run all day while Klotzy dropped into left mid. 

We continued to press with Mike B and Neil B flirting with the off side at every opportunity whilst Peter and Niall snuffed out their midfield. 

After Neil B found space on the left his cross found Russell at the far post but somehow it was swing but no ding. Dave N - you need to show him your goalscoring tapes from this season not 2010

Next Mike B provided the opportunity slipping the ball out wide to Klotzy. He powered up the left and just as it looked as though he'd gone too wide he hit a thunderbolt from the edge of the box into the top right corner. 2-2

From there it was end to end stuff with both teams tiring. 

Tragedy struck in the last minute as their skipper beat the offside trap and tucked away the winner. 

Again, much to enjoy apart from the result. 

This week South Yarra beckon. 

Match Report: Thirds vs Middle Park

Sunday 5th August 2012, Central Park Malvern

Central Park 3 - Middle Park 2

Rangers show Magnussen how to hold out a fast finishing opponent.

It was a cold and blustery day at Malvern park, and as the clock struck 12.40 we had 5 players ready to go.

With the late arrival of players into the changing rooms at 12.45 the writing looked like it was on the wall for a Central Park. With noticeable exclusions from the starting line up, Colin opted for goal to fill the large gap left by Tim.

With a quick warm up and the toss decided, the game got under way.

So the onslaught began, Middle park came out the blocks like Usain Bolt, with only Colin to deny several chances, the post was struck so often that he feared they would collapse under the barrage. The defence held tight under the wing of Captain Steve.

A savour arose from the ashes to slot in what I can only describe as a “Zidane inspired moment”, the ball floated as it left the boot in a wonder strike by Alex to defeat the aw struck keeper. 1 zip.

With Duracell bunny Tim on the right and a strong defensive display Malvern could feel the metaphorical wind changing. The child hood memories of Packie Bonner and the influence of Jackie Charlton a long ball from Colin let Gaz loose on a one on one with the keeper, with the sleak skills of a true striker he netted the ball and to the delight of the building crowd, Malvern Park where in 2 goals clear. With Rich menacing the Middle park back line it wasn’t too long until his strike partner Gaz finished off another 3-0.

Middle park came out fighting in the second half and with free kick was awarded out side the box, with a four man wall the Middle Park striker managed to drive the ball low and it was deflected past the stationary keeper 3-1.

With a strong display in the middle of the park the game was swinging by to Central Park favour. Against run of play a defensive lapse by Central Park the Middle Park boys slotted another 3-2 and the game was in the balance. Gaz with the hat trick in his sights and the pride of the golden croc was as keen as mustard, only to be frustrated by the lines man on several occasions. Substitutes where limited and the right back position was filled in by no less than 4 players throughout the game with Stu left to hold the advancing attack.

The game was on, and the Middle Park boys had a renewed confidence and continually reminded Daniel that he didn’t want it? Post match no comment was given by the left back.  With the onslaught of several corners the central park defence kept solid. Even the gift of an open net and a free header the boys from Middle park where unable to capitalise. With a blistering shot from out side the box the Central Park stand in keeper pulled of what can only be described as a match winner as he pushed the ball around the post to the safety of a corner. The Middle park heads dropped as Central park dominated the reminder of the game to the end with a strong mid field display.

Thanks to Steve for the post match oranges.

Best: Jeremy

The rest: Rich O, Gaz, Colin, Stu

                                                    

Match Report: Thirds Vs Boroondara Eagles

Sunday 29th July 2012, Macleay Park Balwyn
Boroondara 2 - Central Park Rangers 4

A geezer short of a sixpack

In 1965's classic 'Like a Rolling Stone', Bob Dylan famously, and somewhat provocatively asked: "How does it feel?"

Fast forward to 2012, and it would be a fired up Central Park football team begging the same question of the paisley clad Boroondara. In fact one might assume that their violet (that's violet, not violent) ensemble (which i personally will NEVER get tired of talking about) might subscribe them to more peaceful and free loving times, not dissimilar to what Dylan was spruiking in his day. Don't be fooled though, as looks can be deceiving and this game had plenty of spice.
 
An early game was the last thing that the lads from Central Park needed after a night on the tiles. Just hours earlier, many of the guys had said their farewells to favourite son Mark Coulter, heading back to the motherland to be put out to pasture after an impressive AC Malvern/Central Park career. You'll be sorely missed Sparky!

The oddly scheduled 10.30 kickoff didn't sit well with most, so it was something of a welcome relief when the match was pushed back to 11.30 after overnight rain pretty much washed our entire pitch out to Vermont. The next best possibility was the likelihood that the match would be cancelled - music to the ears of Steve and Tim N who were operating on 4 hours sleep after wearing out the welcome mat of one of Melbourne's more salubrious suburban late night brasserie's. 

Now i don't now about you, but i have pretty iron clad pre-match diet that i rarely deviate from, so i was somewhat alarmed at the following verbal exchange between Steve and myself:

me: Steve, it's time to go - you want some toast?
Steve: nup
me: right, ah, you're English - some porridge then?
Steve: nup, thanks.
me: cup of tea?
Steve: nup
me: banana? take a banana for the trip?
Steve: nah, i'll puke it up

After more or less holding a gun to his head, Steve managed to be convinced into downing a powerade en route to the game.

As Daniel upped the ante from platter to 'tasting plate' with his artistic array of oranges, the lads talked tactics. This was a very winnable game, a 2-1 loss last meeting in a match we really should've taken the points in.

Fair dinkum Daniel, you're just showing off now....

With just one on the bench, the lads started with a bang, ignoring a quagmire that seemingly had it's own diving board and lifeguard that was the right wing. Instead, Rangers played a slick brand of passing game that had Boroondara chasing tale, Tim C and right hand man Alex linked up regularly to cause all sorts of chaos. Playing a much wider role, Gaz was causing all sorts of problems, dragging the last defender to the corner flag and somewhere along the way miraculously missing the easiest of opportunities in front of goal. Chewy on the boot Gaz?

Boroondara couldn't hold possession for more than a couple of passes, and when they did, wasted it with a long ball game that was simply not going to be a factor as a sharp Rod and co at the back coolly disposed of any such traffic. 

Most impressive was Central Park's hardness at the ball even as Boroondara tried to work their way out of their own half. Tom Davies playing well above his weight and chasing the Eagles winger like Pacman in pursuit of that stupid sodding little purple pac-pellet, not afraid to end up with a face full of mud - there was plenty for all to go round.

The famous purple caped 'Geezer' we've grown to 'love' over the years was obviously fighting crime elsewhere on this day, however his distinguished ear-bleeding wordiness was pretty well replicated by a frustrated Boroondara skipper who seemed to be playing a lone hand. He had a dip, and a couple of chances ensued but Central Park held sway. 

Um.... creepy

After going agonisingly close with a header from a corner, Alex finished off another fine pass movement to open the scoring. Boroondara had barely skipped back onto position when they were stripped of possession and under the gun once more. The purple army stood back probably awaiting some more pinball wizardry to come their way, but instead it was man-mountain Nick, who off one step and pretty much with his back to goal unleashed one of his famous canons. In a scene reminiscent of the Gun's of Navarone, the rookie Malvernian blasted another hole in the enemy's armour for Central Park's second.
With morale at a game low, Boroondara were fortunate not to concede another as a glancing header from 'wet-weather-specialist' Richard Owen went inches wide from yet another corner. 

2 nil at the break - Would the late night see the boys run out of steam? OR would the referee's belated arrival prove the difference due to a shorter scheduled match?

Boroondara came out as a much more competitive equation, and their frustration at not being able to get into the match was beginning to show through niggle off the ball and some pretty clumsy tackling from a few of their guys. The fuchsia-laden no. 12 was actually a half decent player only that nobody ever bothered to teach him how to pass. 

John then got in on the action injecting some much needed muscle and worked well with Colin down the flanks. Despite having some more energy about them, strikes on goal continued to be at a premium - "floats like a butterfly, shoots like one too" is what they once said about the great Steve McManaman. Well, flick him a purple jersey and voila - one Boroondara Eagle.
A question: Can a headache get a headache? Steve Creswell is probably most qualified in answering that one, as his already throbbing head was then nearly decapitated in a nasty clash of the scons where Steve bravely intercepted a corner in preventing a likely goal. Stirring stuff.

For one of the first times in the match Central were wishing they'd packed the ice-skates as a goalmouth scramble allowed the hardworking Boroondara to pull a goal back against the run of play. "DON'T YOU DARE!" demanded the finger pointing cranky pants, that was no. 12 for Boroondara. Forever loving a challenge (and basically because he's a cheeky little shit), Tim hoofed the ball away in an attempt to stall the resumptions of play. A rather nasty shove was paid out for Tim's troubles, something the ref unfortunately missed but would not be forgotten.

With the game suddenly close and the very real possibility of Central Park losing their lead, things started to get very prickly between the warring parties. After some off the ball treatment unwelcomed by Rod, the Boroondara centre forward decided to get close enough to examine the pores of Rod's face, and then offered "i'll break ya f*cking nose". Nice. 

Richard Owen then broke free and was brought down unceremoniously, taking 3 or 4 defenders with him, one of them viciously headbutting Richard's boot - another testy melee was extinguished as the spot fires continued to break out.

The game suddenly threatened to explore in a flurry of purple punches, and it was Central Park who refused to get sucked in by the acid tongued individuals of Boroondara (some, certainly not all) wanting to go on with it. Shortly after the usual Boroondara protagonist offered yet another piece of football 'philosophy' this time directed at Daniel, Central Park went on another rampage, reclaiming their two goal buffer with a third goal. The boys lined up to offer a riposte or three to no. 12's earlier verbal spray that was still cooling on the window sill, and it was Daniel (who ironically reprimanded Tim earlier for his tongue-lashing after being pushed) who gave it out deluxe to a sheepish looking no. 12, with the before mentioned: "oh yeah! how does it feel!!!"

A victim of bad timing, Rod was to cop the wrath of a frustrated little man, who threw his elbow into Rod's windpipe. A fine way for Rod to celebrate fatherhood. Worse still, was that the peanut technically assaulted a legally blind man as Rod was sans contact lenses. Gutsy.....

An extremely patient referee had seen enough and gave the lad his marching orders, the walk of shame complemented by an assurance that a referees incident report would be to follow - Nice to be on the right end of these things for a change!

(Loaded question: "suspended" i'd say, among other things.....)

The heavens opened and a scrappy final 10 minutes played out, Central Park putting the result beyond doubt with a fourth to <insert name here> (i was too tied up by the niceties to remember who bagged it). Boroondara were able to pull one last goal back, somewhat dubious as their linesman's chose an unusual time to demonstrate his flag waving flamboyance in putting up and then suddenly down, his flag in the blink of an eye. Only a man in purple.....

Solid display, and the boys keep bouncing back despite the truly bizarre anomalies Sunday football continues to throw up.

Best: Nick/Richard
The Rest: too many to name!

Match Report: Thirds Vs Monash Uni

Sunday 22nd July 2012, Monash University Clayton
Monash Uni 2 - Central Park 1

The sounds of silence.

Not even 17 plates of Stu's finely sliced citrus Navel's would be inspiring enough to get the boys up this week in a performance that was more worthy of having tomato's thrown at them at half time, not oranges.

It was not unreasonable to pencil in a win here against a youthful opponent, as the round 1 clash netted a 4 nil sch lacking in Central Park's favor. Clearly much has shifted for the Alumni of Monash, upsetting previously unbeaten RMIT Uni a fortnight earlier to claim 'frat house' bragging rights. They say you have to crawl before you can walk, and it was Monash that showed they've clearly gone from nappies to pullups as Central Park put in a stinker.

That said, Monash Uni thoroughly deserved their win on a day Central Park were about as vocal as a Malaysian exchange student in study mode. Some new faces aided the Monash cause, adding speed and better ball movement not previously seen. Of particular note was the pint sized winger who terrorized the left flank keeping John busy, who did an admirable job against a more zippy opponent. But Central Park, who scrambled to get 11 on the pitch by kickoff, were sluggish from the outset, which spelt trouble against the switched on Monash.

(did a pin drop? : Central Park's lack of voice proved costly)

Another notoriously slow start was proving to be the culprit, the boys moving at snail's pace to react to 50/50's and aerial contests. The real problem however, seemed to be the lack of talk. Time and again, communication that would make a pantomime proud was the order of the day - conversely, the gaggle of the Monash babes made more sense and reaped the rewards.
The first half was a landslide, Central Park camped in their own half for the first 20 minutes, and it was only a free kick that offered the lads some respite and an opportunity to surge forward. Tim C was his usual busy self, even if he had an off day by his lofty standards. Eventually, some moments of 'last time round' did present themselves, Monash coughing the ball up at critical times, but Central Park unable to capitalise on the opportunities, Rich O and Gaz going close a couple of times.

An umpteenth break down the flank opened space for the Monash winger's best chance of the match and he finished soundly firing the ball past a hapless Tim for the opener. As rumblings of an upset made it's way through the campus grapevine, Central Park sprung into action. Colin putting in his best performance seen this season in steering the tide back Central Park's way. Slick passing that the boys have become accustomed to was finally emerging from it's slumber, much like the occupants of the adjacent student villa's at such an ungodly hour of 1.30pm. John finally got his chance to play the ball rather than chase it, an audacious barrel from halfway denied only by Richie Cunningham in goals. A meagre 5ft tall in stilettos, the Monash no. 1 had a much improved performance on last time where his height was exploited more than once. Another fine save by Cunningham to deny Rich on the halftime whistle was a pivotal moment in maintaining their lead.

(Happy Days: Monash have acquired the goalkeeping services of childhood star Ron Howard)

At halftime, a somewhat stunned Central Park sucked oranges back with little to say - probably a fitting analogy of the contest thus far.

Meanwhile a buoyant Monash Uni would be overhead more than once churning out the cliched "they don't want it!". Perhaps they were right?

Central Park recommenced with more energy in the knowing that an equaliser would likely bring the boys to life and give Monash the jitters. Rod and Steve attempted to get the momentum flowing with hardness and vigour and for periods of time the lads responded. George, his usual creative self started to find space for the likes of Stu who tracked the ball as closely as his opponent, and Niall finding his rhythm amid the sea of unknown allies. It was Monash that held their nerve though, and seemed unbreakable despite being well pressed. It was only their Achilles heel - corners - that seemed likely to bring the homeside undone. Central Park's height was a clear advantage in these situations, though on this occasion it was a perfect corner from Lars who, deliberately or not, weaved the ball over Cunningham's size handicap for the equaliser. A lucky goal and the injection of the ever creative hoop-socked Shane, should've been enough to snap the boys into action and go on with it.

Again though, the Burke roaders would have a lapse in concentration not two minutes later, and the dreaded communication breakdown proved to be the difference. A lifeless freekick would hang in the air, as cries of "keepers ball!" came strong and loud (finally some talk!). The only trouble was someone forgot to tell Tim in goals it was his. Well out of position (now that much he did truly ballz up!), a floating Monash midfielder couldn't believe his luck, and was rewarded for the chase, and headed home a second goal uncontested into a vacant net.

With this well and truly knocking the stuffing out a disappointing Central Park, the last 15 minutes would see them doing what they seemed to for most of the match - play catchup football like a desperate side consisting of not much more than long balls into the Monash half in the hope of a second goal.

This wasn't to be, and a stinging loss to endure given the sides quest to pick up winnable games in lieu of this seasons FFV 'donations'.

The three P's (i'm just making this up now), Panic, Patience & Persistence proved to be a tack in the Central Park arse. The lads showed plenty of the first and very little of the other two. 13 College drop outs, and a big fat 'F' for Central Park.


Best: Colin
The Rest: Rod, George, Rich O, John

Match Report: Thirds Vs RMIT

Sunday 15th July 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 1 - RMIT 4

School Holidays prove a curse as depleted Rangers outfit get schooled.


Following a massive win over nemesis Bayside, the scene was set for an epic showdown against competition top dawgs RMIT. Central Park's form was timely and they were acutely aware of needing to be at their Sunday-thirds best to take down a smarting RMIT who were coming off their first loss of the year.


Such aura surrounding this game should've been enough to whet the appetite of all, and it seemed most unfair that this game of all games would be cruelly robbed of the hype it deserved - no fewer than half a dozen Central Park regulars succumbing to injury, illness, suspension, unavailability and the ever frequent 'whipped' tag.


Instead, a brave Rangers outfit attempted to do the impossible against a class outfit, and at times genuinely looked like pulling off the upset of the season.


Central Park's cause wasn't helped by the mid-week distraction of news that the good folk at the FFV were investigating this marvellous not-for-profit football club amid a swathe of claims ranging from embezzlement (thank god for our secret Lichtenstinian account), match fixing, insider trading, manslaughter and buggery, just to name a few of the more 'vanilla' accusations aimed their way. For the record they did manage to turn up a breach of player eligibility allegation, breaking the hearts of all involved. Quivers of "coal in the stockings again this year kids" could be heard, as it's been a costly season for the lads, though i'm told there'll be more than a slug of the old Remy Martin in the nog at this years FFV xmas party courtesy of Central Park. Swings & roundabouts.....

Clearly it's not just the FFV's footballing supergrass with the lemon in his mouth.....

Back to the football though! 

A good dozen finely tuned footballers hit their straps pre-match, the early bird enthusiasts given a solid display of tight passing drills, set plays and various militant plyometrics in a warm up the Luftwaffe would've been impressed with. Was this red and black army ready to rumble or what? Well yes, only that it wasn't of the red and black striped Central Park variety, but the slightly younger RMIT lads in their away strip that had all (including me!) confused. 


With 11 on board (including a welcome cameo from John) and a battle hardened (and extremely generous) Paul Davies offering his services, Central Park started against the odds but with real vigour and willing to have a genuine crack under the circumstances. 


One couldn't work out if it was horrendously windy or horrendously cold, certainly a bit of a both, as Central Park attempted to use the downhill advantage. Dave in his first match from a lengthy bout of bird flu quickly blew out the cobwebs, dominating at the back, whilst Colin pulled off countless last ditch sliding tackles on the last line against a very speedy opposition. 
At the other end of the ground, Tim Charters stamped his Player of the Year intentions with a golden 90 minute performance, never wasting a possession in yet another bullish display combining superbly with those around him. 
Rangers used the flanks regularly and to great effect and could very easily had opening goal bragging rights, Tim, George, Tom and Gaz going close early. 


They're numero uno for a reason, and a counter attack ensued as the RMIT captain found himself in space, running at Tim in goals and safely disposing the ball into the roof of the net for an impressive opener.


Half time, and Central Park hoed into the oranges more than having held their own and very much in the game thanks to hard work off the ball from the likes of Stu and Tom.


However, it was RMIT who came out the fresher, some quality players coming off the bench causing headaches against a tiring Central Park trying to hold it together. Rod, splitting best on ground honours with Tim C, repelled wave after wave of attack and more often than not disposing of his opponent in the process of winning back possession for the Central Park midfield.


But he couldn't do it all, and it wasn't long before Central Park were again stretched allowing RMIT to stroll through a gaping hole and skipping round Tim for an unchallenged second. Poor Rod, bless him, was then unfortunate to encounter RMIT's token 'Arts' student who put in a NIDA worthy performance, treading the boards that is the penalty area. The penalty was comfortably converted as the RMIT Thespian pranced back to the balcony.

If he wasn't creating them for others, Tim C was ferreting out scoring opportunities for himself. Too fleet of foot for most, Tim bedazzled yet another RMIT kiddy half his age and was brought down in the area. He stepped up and helped himself to a much earned goal. 

A fourth and final was added as an exhausted Central Park ran out an honest performance in readiness to get to their winning ways against lowly ranked Monash.

Best: Tim C

The Rest: Rod, John, Colin, Gaz, George

 

Match Report(s): Masters Vs Many

Central Park Vs Clifton Hill/South Yarra/Fitzroy/Middle Park


Central Park break even on goal difference


Long time between match reports so this is a four in one - apologies for factual inaccuracies.

Back in June as we vied for top spot we laid on the sun and firm ground for the game against Clifton Hill at the Fortress. (Greek Easter and some good work behind the scenes meant we technically beat them 3-0 in our opening round)

Our passing game was as bright as the conditions and we were soon carving Clifton Hill open all over the park - Pete and Joe rampaging down the flanks. Up front Batesy and Lars had chances, only denied by the woodwork and the keeper.

It seemed like only a matter of time before we would score but against the run of play Clifton Hill's classy duo up front did the damage with a quality first goal.

Despite creating about four shots to every one of theirs we were still down 1-0 at half time.

At the back we restricted them all day with debutant John Rovas looking like an old pro with the Big Fella.

The shots rained in as Lars continued to torment the Hillers and Gerard, Klotzy and Dave Neal all went close as we pushed for the equaliser but to no avail.

With a cruel twist a chip from 25 yards out and only their third effort on target for the day gave Clifton Hill a 2-0 win.

One of our best performances of the season apart from our finishing and would have deserved to reverse the scoreline.


In a bid to prove that money can't buy everything Fawkner Park served up the worst pitch we've played on all season. Even after our brief warm up routines (ie walking to the pitch) our usually pristine white hosiery was ruined as we waded ankle deep in mud to the centre circle.

In full waders the boys from Yarra looked confident, especially with a gaggle of subs they must have sensed our one sub approach may not have been the way to go.

As we slid about the park and all looked for high ground Yarra took full advantage of the conditions. For all their bluster only a generous own goal gave them the lead which was then added to when the ref suspended the off-side rule for their second goal.

Stung into action and finally coming to grips with the mud bath we then had the best of the next half hour and before half time had pulled one back when Klotzy played a brilliant through ball for Lars to run onto from thirty yards out and with familiar quality slid past the keeper from just inside the box - classic CPR, 2-1 at half time.

With confidence buoyed and Robb's reconstructed knee taking all the punishment asked of it we set about Yarra.

We camped in Yarra's half and finally broke through as a third successive corner was floated in to the near post for Mike Burnside (yes he's back) to score with a brilliant header - Andy Carroll eat yer heart out.

What happened next was a mystery on the day and hopefully with time and red wine will disappear from the memory banks altogether but in the space of 15 minutes we were 6-2 down having hit the post at 2-2, c'est la vie

CPR spirit never gives up and Lars earned a penalty - defender claiming a two handed push in the chest is allowable??? Capping a virtuoso day Rand tucked away the penalty for 6-3

Tough day, especially for Kostas who was man of the match and Ant who put his body on the line despite his injuries.


With our title challenge waning it was back to the Fortress for the visit of reigning champions Fitzroy. After losing the away leg 8-0 we were keen to do better and did - sort of.

We welcomed Niall into the Club and slotted him into the middle of the Park and what a treat it must have been to watch Fitzroy dance around us. It took a ripper from the edge of the box to finally get one past Kostas though.

By half time Fitzroy's total football and a couple of fortunate goals saw us 5-0 down despite a stellar game from the Big Fella

More of the same in the second half until our superior stamina kicked in and Dave Neal beat the off-side trap, galloped away and tucked in what would have been the winner but for the ten goals Fitzroy had already racked up.

On the plus side we get to play them again in August and I fancy our chances.


Finally to the pits - yes the away game against Middle Park.

Beautiful day, good pitch and our numbers swelled to 10 at kick-off with Bill and Michael putting their bodies on the line for the CPR cause.

With five across the back, two in the middle and two up front fair to say we were looking to hold out until the Eltham express (ie. Klotzy en route from Noah's morning match) arrived to make us up to the full 11.

Brilliant defensive effort almost came off with Kostas and the defence soaking up wave after wave of attacks the 1-0 half time deficit was a fair accomplishment.

Having basked in the luxury of having 11 players on the pitch for a good ten minutes either side of half time friendly fire saw Lars hobble to the sidelines.

We still held our own until the last 10 minutes when the floodgates opened and Middle Park sealed a deserved win. On the plus side we had more shots than they scored goals so could have won.


As an added incentive these are the four sides we will play for a third time later this season so 12 points beckon.


So with top spot seemingly out of reach this weekend is the Derby with Ashy.

Go CPR

Match Report: Thirds Vs Bayside

Sunday 8th July 2012, Central Park Malvern
Central Park 7 - Bayside 2

Owen & Sons serve Bayside on a platter.

And so it was indeed an ominous sign when big Rich strolled across sunny Central Park, orange laden platter in hand like a trophy. Chequered pants and silly apron donned, his performance as 'orange boy' truly did make a Michelin Star chef look ordinary. 

If that was worthy of 3 hats, the gesture would be bookended by a brilliant Rangers display that included a glittering double from the before mentioned Bryn Williams (look it up, i had to). 


On Thursday afternoon, we had 10 possibly 11 definites, by Saturday night it was 9 possibly 15 starters. By kickoff we had 14, including a surprise appearance by club legend Mark. Welcome to the world of Thirds football.


History has been unkind to Central Park in these clashes - 1 win from countless belting's their only return. Though the first round fixture saw out a 1 all draw which CP probably should've won. We were getting closer.
Despite the somewhat 'foreign' line-up, with regulars missing and two new faces on hand, a quiet confidence hummed through the Central Park camp. 


Tom Davies and classmate Ben sacrificed a much needed school holiday 'cram session' to pull on the boots for Central Park. The brat pack would cause havoc all day with their blistering pace and mind boggling touch. One to brag about to the girls at the pinny parlour boys <insert 2 x adolescent males rolling of eyes here>.....


Central Park got off to a flyer, camping inside the Bayside half in the opening stages. Nick made his intentions clear early on, unleashing a couple of long rangers that had one very nervous Bayside keeper on alert. 
With sufficient pace on our side, it was clear the flanks were going to be the place to go. However, i don't think anyone expected this to be so literal. A seemingly harmless throw came in to a forward moving Tom who brilliantly got on the end of it (none of this half-volley shit) and steered it over the keeper for the first CP goal. A cracking start and the boys continued their dominance, it was only a corner - well two actually, that would prove to be a chink in the CP armour. That said, the first was a perfect in-swinger low and hard that would bounce, unbeknown, off Tom's back and in for the equaliser. The lad was on a hat trick of a different kind.


With ascendancy still very much with the home team, Central Park went about their business at a frenetic pace, and tight as a nun in defence. The free wheeling Richard Owen lumbered around like Peter Crouch, soaring above all to head home a brilliant second CP goal. They say shit happens in 3's (or something like that), and true to form just as a see sawing battle saw Mark injected into the game, it witnessed him 'ejected' just as quickly. The poor bastard succumbing to yet another leg injury. Then after being belted to Chadstone, our prized Adidas matchball met it's fate as it tried to cross Burke Rd, an oncoming car literally taking the wind out of it's leathery sail. Finally, a Bayside equaliser, from another corner CP couldn't extinguish which was turned into an ugly goal mouth scramble, resulting in an even uglier goal. 2 a piece.

(Marked man: despite some close checking, doctors say Coult's should 'pull through')

The boys were running out of gas - so i thought, struggling to hold it together like a paedophile at a wiggles concert (the lawyers suggested i not put that one in?). A rudimentary goal kick found the head of Mario, who without a second touch pushed the ball onto Steve who likewise found tireless newcomer George, flicking it out wide to fellow debutant Ben who spied a rampaging Richard Owen to courageously slide in an slip the final deft touch between an oncoming goalie and desperate Bayside defender for his second of the day. (Apologies if i got the player's involved wrong - it was all South American, in the blink of an eye!). One straight out of the Vince Lombardi playbook - arguably goal of the season, and certainly best team goal witnessed in some years. Central Park hit the vitamin C with their tale's well and truly up, keen to go on with it.


Gaz had worked his arse off in the first half, so it was fitting that a chance would fall his way in the second. Another swift attacking raid down the flank gave Gaz sight on goal as the ball ever so slowly sat in the air, Gaz patiently waited for it to fall to a suitable striking height (about 4ft), before whacking it home with authority. 

Opportunities were scarce for the Argonauts who did their best to wrestle their way into the contest, as always the staunch defending of Rod, Daniel and Pricey making things look easy at the back. 

As 'chops' (don't ask) got angry for the visitors, Central Park played a cool hand. A poorly timed two footed tackle from the Bayside captain wasn't enough to put young Ben off his game, who held his temperament and found the back of the net.

Chops?

or Chops?

ahhhhh, now i get it - 'chops' as in 'mutton chops'

I was having a blonde moment, like this guy! Actually, this was THE 'chops' circa 1976

 
It was then that George ensured we'd remember his worth, surging forward with gusto before unleashing a bullet that more or less put a hole in the keeper. 


With the game in their keeping, perennial pest Stu then got in on the action, offering no respite to a tiring defence as he smartly.... oh i'll let him tell the tale:

(Modest Mouse: Stu Fleming spreads the good word on social media)

A great day out in the sun indeed. Undoubtedly Central Park's most complete performance of the year, and a timely confidence booster heading into a meeting with league heavy weights RMIT.

Chop....ergh, i mean let's 'Hop' to it


Best: a tough one, Tom/Richard O/George/Gaz
The Rest: quite literally, the rest.