2012: New Team - New Season - New Blog

So a new chapter in Central Park football history unfolds in 2012, following the departure of some household Malvern names. 

Gone are the familiar faces that made it uniform to dance away their Saturday night pissed to the eyeballs, only to stagger up Burke Road and around opponents for a kick about come Sunday morning. Oh yes, they will be missed for their social camaraderie and penchant for Jaegerbomb shots, if not for their division 3 football nous.

Every cloud has its silver lining though, fast forward to 2012 and Central Park's very own Kofi Annan (some white dude from either Rangers or AC) has negotiated a dream proposition and nutted out a marriage made in heaven merger between Central Park Rangers and AC Malvern. 

It's a red letter day for both teams - as the 2011 season came to a close, the once mighty AC Malvern was now running on the smell of an oily rag and the bones of it's arse. The possibility of extinction a reality. Ring-ins, a reduced training schedule (if that's actually possible), Anthony Robbins 'Power Weekend' retreats, and the more than occasional Sunday morning liver detox, clearly not producing results on the field.

Elsewhere, in the same way the Pumpkin Patch laden heir who once roamed leafy Central Park has grown up, so too have the boys at Rangers - a more suitable landscape needed to be found. So as the motifs Ralph Lauren and BMW become the norm for that once little boy, Rangers too have moved with the times and shifted to the Masters League.

It's an exciting time for all, and word off the Masters grapevine is that the 'Baby Rangers' have already trodden on their fair share of Grosby's in recent weeks, with one mature, yet pacey, Masters rival - 'Hector', offering: "it's totally unfair, not only have these kids slashed the average league age by 27 years, but they're also drinking our Reschs and muscling in on the birds up at the Ashburton bowls. How do we compete? Wendy & Edith know very well that Viagra doesn't fall under the PBS scheme".... 

Though i hear some of the WAGS are extending the olive branch...

It remains to be seen if Rangers will indeed prove to be a Masters nursery for rival teams to poach from, but there's little doubt that the new kids on the block will start the season as warm title favourites.

A similar yardstick of success sits on the shoulders of the Central Park Thirds and with good reason. Depth, talent and fresh faces complementing a squad who've shared as many jars with one another as they have creepy suburban Dandenong change rooms.

'Revolution' may be drawing a long bow, but the thought of winning more games of football than losing sure beats any superlative.

So with the immediate logistics and housekeeping avoided, paid and palmed off - it's down to the serious stuff.

Pearly words aside, i think this astute young man sums up the Central Park spirit best:

  

“It's a good thing we won, because we were going to thrash the place if we didn't.”

 - Liam Gallagher

Here's to a cracking 2012!

(two become one: Malvern artist/socialite Clementine Finch-Wilkins gets behind the Rangers V AC Malvern union)

(Bottoms Up: Spencer Tunick shows the Central Park faithful how to celebrate the merger with a 'cheeky' expression of support)